Monday, November 7, 2016

Important


If you are a mom, you will appreciate my love/hate relationship with Legos.  I love that my boys play for hours on end, creating amazing sculptures and designs.  It's the essence of boyhood.  However my love fades if I step on one, have to look at pile of "don't touch mom, we have plans for those" for five days straight or need to pull one out of the dog's mouth.  Legos also challenge my time management. I rarely sit and always have a long list of to do's.  It never fails that a child needs help looking for a piece when I am scrubbing the toilet, rushing to slap PB&J on some bread or save the clean laundry from the slimey mouth of the family dog.  (do you get the feeling my dog likes to eat things that are not food?) Really it's not my time management that is challenged.  It's my inability to sit still and play with my children - my inabilty to put the important things first.

On this particular day, I was lesson planning and the smallest of not so small boys had presisted with interupting at least four times.  Finally, he took my face in his growing boyish hands and said, "Mama, it's important to me." I literally forgot to breath.  I looked into his beautiful little face and fell in love with him all over again.  I knew, that if I wanted him to know how important he was to me then I had to pause and pursue what was important to him.

The delightful moment was quickly replaced with dread when I was informed that the small piece was the only one they owned in a bucket of millions. (I exaggerate not!) I dug and dumped and sifted.  I prayed for patience, for love and that I would find that gosh darn minuscule but oh so important piece. As I hunted the Lord began to speak to me about how important the miniscule is to Him.

He left the 99 to find the one. Luke 15:4
He captures my tears in a bottle. Pslam 56:8
His eye is on the sparrow. Matthew 6:26

I have felt unimportant and questioned my worth.  Do my words matter? Am I good enough? Does anybody notice? In a bucket filled with millions can I be found? Jesus says yes.  I do matter and He notices.

Needless to say, by the miraculous and gracious hand of God I found that piece and was hero for the day.  God knew in that small moment of looking for and finding a lego I would know His love and Canon would know mine.  Don't bypass the small or be too busy for the minuscule in your life.  The Lord wants you to know you matter. You are noticed.  You are important.  You are loved.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Obedience

It's been a year. Every time I tried to sit and put words to my heart's cry, my mind would fail.  I could not dialogue the secrets being written on my soul.  It will have to be a slow pouring over time.  The words will come and then I will share my lessons with you.

But for now, my heart in this moment...Obedience.

We are moving. Again.  How many times have I written about change?  I had grown accustomed to the cycle.  Learned to cope with the emotions.  But this time is different.  We've been here the longest.  This had become home. I had finally settled.  I learned to dig deeper, step out of my comfort zone farther and open up even more.

Back in February, our church was doing a series on Nehemiah that posed the question, "what was God building in you and using you to build?"  At the time, we had just received word that they were selling the radio station and Matt would be out of a job.  For me warning bells rang; no job meant moving for a new one.  Building.  I had been building.  I was leaning into what I thought God had for me and my walls crumpled with one conversation.

I have struggled with the process of answering these questions while Matt looked for work and we prepared our hearts for the coming change.  I have been hurt. I have been angry.  In one desperate prayer I cried out, "Don't You know what this does to me?  A part of me dies every time."  His reply stopped me, "I know.  It's supposed to."

Now to some that may sound harsh, but in that moment the truth of it actually soothed my soul.  The Holy Spirit began to pour scripture over me...

Luke 9:23 - And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must take up his cross daily and follow Me."

Galatians 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

John 12:24 - Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

I cannot become more like my Savior if I hold on to me, my dreams and wants.  Tightly gripped hands make it impossible to reach out.  I must die to myself. That's a hard pill to swallow.  Obedience isn't about feel good emotions.  Obedience is hard.  Obedience sometimes hurts.  But when it doesn't feel good, I know that God is good.  That's what we were created for; His will and purpose.  Does it make this move easier? Perhaps not, but it makes me cling to His promise that He will complete His good work in me.  My sanctification will continue and I can keep moving forward in joy.  

It can be the same for you.  Whatever journey the Lord has set before you, despite the struggle, can be one of victory through obedience.