Friday, September 14, 2012

Grace Overcomes Insanity

I must put down these words while in the midst of my angst. I can not share with the world my thoughts at this moment for several different reasons.  Most simply however; I must wait upon the Lord.  But I do not want to forget these emotions while I wrestle and the lessons He is teaching my heart in the midst of the fight. Waiting and being still is the most important yet most difficult lesson one must learn.  I believe it to be one that we must learn over and over.  At least that is the case for me. It seems that every ten to twelve months I am plopped in the middle of a situation where I must beat down my flesh, quiet the cries of my heart and be still.  It is in these moments that I realize how fragile and vulnerable I am beneath my faith. At these times I am made aware of how strong my flesh is and what I am capable of.

Judge me if you will, but perhaps instead you will identify with my insanity. If you judge then I would say you need to examine your own heart.  We need to be authentic - honest with who we are and where we're at in our walk. My greatest prayer would be that in my weakness His strength would be known and someone would be encouraged - drawn to the throne of grace and overwhelmed with His peace.

This morning the balance of my heart was weighing anger over my situation against forgiveness and love.  As I stared into the boiling pot of water I was prepping for oatmeal the crazy thought crossed my mind, "stick your face in there". Laugh, or shake your head - I don't care. All I was thinking was at least my mind would be taken off of this current struggle.  The fleeting thought was quickly replaced by the knowledge that in my own strength I could easily destroy myself.  Were it not for the grace of God, I long ago would have succumbed to the desires of my flesh and been ruined.  An overwhelming understand and compassion filled my heart.  When we allow ourselves to be in control we wash in and out with the tide of our emotions. We speak and act in ways that affect people around us, drawing them into the current. In contrast when we stand upon the truth of Jesus, we stand firm no matter what life brings us.  When we stand upon the rock, hide beneath the shelter of His tabernacle we are able to live in His grace, extend it to others and wait quietly in the chaotic seasons of this thing called life.

The Lord is good to those who wait on Him,
to the soul who seeks Him.
Lamentations 3:25

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